Finding it
by darkly weird
Summary: Bella, a workaholic who doesn't have the time of day to think about where she's going in life. Not professionally, but personally. One night changes her entire life. ps. please review. it wud mean the world to moi :
1. Scared

"Hey Bella, do you know where the Arcelius client file is?" Asked James, my boss. We had been working non-stop in the office. We had to pull off some new deal and we were exhausted. It was two thirty am in the morning. "Umm I think it's ...." I mumbled as I shuffled around looking for places where it might be. "Aha! There you go" I said as I handed him the file. "Thank you, go home and get some rest, Bella. You've been working a long time. You need your rest." I began to protest at the prospect of leaving him and all my pending work behind but James cut me off with "Go home. It's an order." He was the best boss in the world. He was caring. I had known James for about 3 years now. I had worked my way to the top alongside of him. He was the brains behind this huge multi-national, finance company and I was his assistant. I loved my job. It wasn't an everyday assistant's job. My degree from Harvard wasn't so that I could rot in an office being someone who simply answered the phone and took down messages. It was so that I could be something. I went with James to his meetings, helped make some of the decisions, I made presentations and met new clients and went to all the lavish dinners that we had to attend for all the company's clients. And of-course I manned the telephones and took down messages and made his appointments. James was married to Emily. She comes into the office a lot and I often spoke to her on the phone. She's sweet and caring and definitely not what you would expect out of the wife of someone with such a high position in such a huge company. She didn't have a chip on her shoulder. Far from that. They also had a little girl named Ally. She was the cutest thing in the world.

I started packing my stuff and left the office. I didn't have a car. I took the subway. Now it might be stupid for someone to take the subway so late at night but it didn't occur to me. I was exhausted. I got in and was on the train home. It was deserted. Not a single person on the train. Not a single person at the station come to think of it. I finally reached my stop and exited the train. Now the station was deserted as expected and being the boarding school bred girl that I am I didn't care. I walked through the lonely underground tunnel that would soon emerge onto the street opposite from where I live when I heard "Where the hell do you think your going?" I turned around, shock and fear evident on my face, mirroring the way I felt at the moment. I saw two men, clad in what my friend Alice would classify as "hobo" clothes. I had heard of things like this, but never in a million years did I think I would be in a position like this. "Yeah where do you think your going?" Sneered the other one. Then the first one pushed me up against the cool underground wall. Hard. I couldn't help the whimper that flew from my mouth. He then roughly shoved his hands up my shirt and started slobbering all over my face. I was terrified and too scared to move. I kept chanting in my head "Please let this not be happening". He continued to molest me and I felt the tears run down my cheeks. "Whatchu cryin' bout whore?" Sneered the other one. I felt him pinch my side painfully. I resisted the urge to cry out in pain, not wanting to give them the satisfaction and then so quickly, that I barely saw it happen, they were both lying on the floor in front of me. I was still shaking in fear and I couldn't help the strangled sob that escaped my throat. I was too focused on trying to emotionally shut down myself and block out what had just happened to notice the figure standing in front of me. I hadn't even bothered the comprehend how the two fuckheads had ended up on the floor. I then felt warm hands envelop me as I sobbed. I didn't even bother to react. Maybe he wanted some too. I waited for it. I waited to feel his hands all over me, for him to shove me up against the wall roughly and slobber me, but that didn't happen. He continued to hold me there while I cried against his chest, he kept whispering "shhhh it's going to be okay". After what felt like forever he gently pried me from himself and that's when I looked into his gorgeous green eyes. It struck me that he wasn't one of those low lives. Just someone brave enough to knock them out and save someone stupid enough to take the subway so late at night. I just stared at him until he cleared his throat and gently asked me. "I need to get you to a hospital. You don't seem to be able to walk. I'm going to carry you. Is that okay?" I nodded numbly. I didn't mind this kind, gorgeous stranger carrying me. I felt safe with him. As odd as it was I knew he wouldn't hurt me. I was still in shock. He walked with me in his arms to the nearest hospital and I was soon attended to. I didn't pay attention. I was still in shock. The time flew by monotonously and then he was sitting beside me. My face gently cradled between his two hands. "Is there someone I could call for you? Family? Friends?" I just shook my head. My parents were dead. My friends were all on holiday and I didn't want to bother James at this moment. He had been through enough of my shit. I knew he'd come and he'd be horribly worried so I didn't want to call him. "The doctors have cleared you. I know this must be hard for you and I can't say I understand. I don't even know if you feel like cringing away from every man, including me, but there is no way I am allowing you to go home alone, in this state after what you've been through. I am going to take you home. Is that alright?" Again, I just nodded. We soon got into a taxi and I gave the cab driver my address tonelessly. When we got to my apartment, I just walked robotically up the stairs until I reached my door. I had no idea he was trailing behind me. He then cleared his throat and mumbled something about going home and about how sorry he was about what had nearly happened and that's when I snapped out of my numb haze and said "Please don't go. Come in for something." I was grasping at straws. I hadn't thanked him yet, and I didn't want to be left alone. Oddly enough he was the only person I would prefer to be with at this minute. After asking me if I was sure a million times, he followed me into the apartment. It was then that I spotted his bruising knuckles. He must have injured them when he knocked out those men. "Your knuckles are swelling and the skin is broken. I'm going to go get something to help them with. Make yourself at home." He began protesting but I was already walking away into the room where I stashed my first-aid kit.


	2. Kind Stranger

I rummaged around the messy room, looking for the kit. As soon as I found it I was making my way back the the living room. My way back to the stranger who I had so instinctively invited into my house, the stranger whose name I didn't know. The stranger who saved me tonight. I found him standing awkwardly, examining a picture of my parents and I from when I was thirteen. Right before my parents had died. He saw me walk into the room and straightened up, looking at me sheepishly. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to pry" he said. I just smiled sadly. I didn't mind. It was the first time anyone had actually paid attention to my past. They normally tread carefully around that territory. He did know my parents were dead. "It's okay, I don't mind." He made his way to the couch where I was seated, looking through the box for some anti-bacterial ointment and some bandages and so gentlemanly asked me if he could sit down. I gestured for him to take a seat. I then took his bruised hand in mine and started dabbing his knuckles with the anti-bacterial cream, ignoring the way his hand felt in mine. So warm and so right with a hint of electricity flowing through it into mine. "What's your name?" he asked, breaking the calm silence. "Bella. Bella Swan" I answered. "What's yours?" "Edward Cullen, very nice to meet you Bella, although I am sorry about the conditions" he answered. He hissed a little as the burn from the ointment began to grow. "I'm sorry about the sting, Edward." I loved the way his name sounded when I said it. Like it was made for my mouth. We sat a little longer in companionable silence, me attending to his hand, while his eyes never left my face. Then the questions started, "What were you doing so late on the subway?" he asked. "I was making my way home. I had a long day at work and we were really busy. That's why I was so late." I answered. "What were you doing so late?" "I just got back from visiting a friend. I left pretty late." I just nodded my head in understanding. "There all done." I said and let him have his hand back. "Would you like something to maybe eat or drink?" I asked. "No thank you I'm fine." he replied. Then he spoke intensely. Like his life depended upon it. "I should be getting back. I know this may sound weird considering we only met a few hours ago under horrible circumstances, but it just doesn't feel right to leave you all alone, considering you told me you had no one to call, back at the hospital, so I was wondering if it would be okay for me to leave my number on your coffee table for you, if you'd like. You can call me if you need help." "Thank you" was all I said. He could see the emotion on my face and he nodded gravely. LIke he understood pain. Not my pain, but pain in general. I couldn't believe how considerate he was. He gave me a gentle kiss on the forehead after asking for permission with his eyes and then left me standing in my dimly-lit apartment. After that I decided I needed my rest. I was over the shock of what had happened. Or so I thought. I hadn't been hurt much apart from a few bruises and scratches. I fell asleep that night thanking my lucky stars for Edward Cullen.

The next day, I was back at work, back to meeting clients and manning the phones. Making appointments, presentations and doing more work. I didn't feel the same though. I felt like a part of me was missing. I just shook off the feeling as an after effect of what had happened. James asked me several times if I was okay, and each time I would lie or sidestep the question. I was worrying him. I knew that. I would have to tell him soon. Apart from being my boss he was like my brother/good friend. He cared. I knew if I told him he would freak and make me narrate the incident to him, ask me several questions about it, half being if I was okay. I couldn't deal with that right now. I knew he meant well, he always did, but I just needed to be left alone for a bit.

The weeks went by like this, James growing more worried about me every passing day. I knew it was time to come clean with him. He deserved to know. If I were in his place and he were in mine, I'd be shitting bricks to know. I'd probably have pounded it out of me by now, but James knew he needed to give me my space and eventually I'd come around to telling him, but that didn't stop him from getting anxious about me. I looked forward to my friends coming back into town. It was the only thing I had, to look forward to. After all I had no boyfriend and work took up most of my time. The rest of the time I spent either curled up on my living room couch reading or spending it with my friends. One thing I noticed I had been doing a lot lately. I had been staring at Edward Cullen's phone number a lot. Contemplating if I should call him or not. As a false alarm. I was fine. At-least physically. I craved his company though. I remembered the way his arms felt around me. Their safeness. They screamed "home" to me. The deepness of his eyes and how it startled me. His caring, gentle manner and his warm voice, how caring it was. I knew it was wrong. It was wrong of me to be thinking of somebody so much. Wrong. Unhealthy. But I reasoned with myself. Making excuses for the longing for him. I passed it off as gratitude towards the man who had so bravely beaten up two skin heads trying to rape a woman. What I couldn't explain was, why I kept wondering about what he was doing every minute. Who he was with. If he had a girlfriend. He probably did. Anybody would be stupid to not see how beautiful he was. He probably had throngs of perfect, well-bred, beautiful girls lining up for him. I would fall asleep each night with a sad, longing feeling for him. It was an ache. A physical and emotional ache to know that someone like that could never call me his own. Would never want me as his own. He was simply a polite man, obviously well-bred. Someone who would want nothing to do with a workaholic, average looking girl like me. Someone stupid enough to get into the saddest of situations. What pained me the most was the fact that I knew I could never deserve him.


	3. Wholeness

Monday morning rolled around and I planned on telling James about what had happened. He deserved to know. He needed to stop worrying about me. I was better, apart from the feeling of wholeness that I had lacked since the "incident". I got up as usual and went about my morning routine. A quick shower, some cereal for breakfast and a quick stop at Starbucks for James's and my coffees. When I got to the office, I attended to the pending work and made some calls. Everything seemed to be going fine. Yes, fine. Not great or superb even though we did make some good deals. Everything just seemed...boring...bland...monotonous.

At around 3 pm James called me into his office saying that we had a new client to deal with. It was rare for me to not know about a client as I was James's secretary and usually knew his schedule like the back of my hand. Today was certainly an exception. As I made my way to James's office, I decided I was going to tell him about what had been going on with me as soon as this new client left. I walked into his office, stopping mid-stride when my eyes locked in with a very familiar pair of green eyes. "Bella, I'd like you to meet Edward Cullen, a new client of ours. We'll be taking care of his financial needs and........" James trailed off as soon as he caught on to the fact that neither Edward nor I was paying the slightest bit of attention to his introduction. "Bella, are you okay?" Asked James. That caused me to break eye contact with the brilliant green eyes that I had been so mesmerized by. "I'm fine" I replied and then turned my attention to Edward. "Hi" he breathed. "Hi" was the brilliant reply I managed to squeak back out. Suddenly the feeling of wholeness overwhelmed me and I realized that the reason I'd been feeling so empty had something to do with Edward's lack of presence. I knew for sure that there was something wrong with me. It sure as hell wasn't an after effect of what had happened in the underground pass. No, it definitely wasn't. I was over that. I was sure. "Wait, do you two know each other?" I couldn't answer. I was too busy basking in the feeling of wholeness and trying hard to concentrate on not throwing myself into this man's safe arms that made me feel like I was home. I didn't need to reply though because Edward did that for me, confirming for James, that we did happen to know each other. That's about all the interaction we had for the rest of the afternoon while James droned on. James talked about how we were planning on handling Edward's real-estate, accounts and so on. I found out that Edward happened to be rich. It didn't matter to me though. I would feel safe in his arms even if he wasn't well-to-do. I wasn't that kind of girl. The "gold-digger" sort. I sat through the meeting slightly dazed and disoriented by the fact that Edward was sitting across from me. He seemed distracted too. James wasn't an idiot. He'd have had to be an inanimate object to not catch on that he didn't have our full attention spans. By the time the meeting was over and we walked out of the office, James so very kindly didn't bother following us out. He sensed something. At that moment I adored James for not following us out even though I knew he needed to go over a couple of numbers and his schedule for the next day with me urgently. At the same time I knew the questions would flow shamelessly from his mouth the minute we were alone. I dreaded that in a way, but I knew that it wouldn't let me back out of the explanation I owed James for my strange attitude these past weeks. We stepped out and Edward's close proximity bothered me, in a good way. He then gently drew me to a secluded area in the office. Once we knew we were alone, he cupped the side of my face tenderly and asked "How are you doing?" "Not too well." I answered him truthfully. This seemed to bother him a great deal and his forehead puckered in what I could only pass off as worry. "Why not?" was the next question that followed. Again I honestly answered him. "Because I feel an emptiness that I never did before and I know it's not an after-effect of what happened that night. It's because you're not there and now you're here and I feel all better." I mentally chastised myself for this. I knew I couldn't take back my words and even if I could I wouldn't, but I didn't want to scare him away at the same time either. He frowned for a moment before moving on to the next question. "Great" I thought to myself. "He's being nice and pretending he didn't hear that." "Are your friends back in town?" "No" I answered. Again, he frowned. "Then why didn't you call?" This was a question I didn't know I had been dreading, but the minute the words fell from his lips, I knew that if I had thought about seeing him again and questioning me like this, I would have dreaded this particular question. "Uhh...I don't really know. I guess I didn't want to bother you." "You wouldn't bother me by calling me?" He paused for a minute before he started talking quickly, his face a mask of regret. "I'm sorry I'm being pushy about you not calling me but I worry about you and I don't have your number and I shouldn't be bothering you like this I'm sorry. I don't even know how you feel about men after what happened. It was rude of me to pry and be so insensitive. We never have to have another conversation regarding anything but my financial state and things like that. I don't even know if you want to be my financial adviser after this. You don't have to. You don't have to ever speak to me again if you don't want to. I sincerely apologize." He began to walk away, I reached out and grabbed his hand. "No. Don't go. You being worried about me is very considerate. I kind of..like it. I'm not sure about how I feel about men but I told you....I feel better with you here. You weren't being insensitive. I don't know why you would care about someone like me though. I'd love to be your financial adviser and you have nothing to be sorry about."

He looked at me, shocked for a second. I knew he wasn't judging me. He was too warm and kind to do that. I also knew that he had to feel something about me to talk like this to me and I'm not sure what it was but..... seem protective of me? Standing there, I didn't care if he let me down. I was hoping he didn't though. I wouldn't know how to get rid of the emptiness if he did. Suddenly after he seemed to have recovered from the shock, a smile broke out over his face and then he spoke. 'How long are your friends out of town for?" The question puzzled me but I answered anyway. "For a few more weeks." His grin got wider, playful. "Well, since they're out of town for a few more weeks, you'll have no one to call and I'm assuming they're abroad, and international calls are expensive. So you could always call me, that is if you need something, even if you don't you don't need a reason to call. It wouldn't bother me Bella. I'd be honored for you to call me. You do have my number though, don't you?" He spoke like he knew it was under my pillow at home, like he knew I stared at it a whole lot. I just smiled in return. I was happy. No. I was ecstatic. I was whole. We both knew that this wasn't just about me calling him in need of something, though we were certainly playing to that tune and with that he he reached down and brushed the back of his fingers across my cheek gently and leaned down and murmured sweetly into my ear something about it being impossible for anybody especially him to not care about someone like me. Then he kissed my forehead, turned around and walked away with a smile playing at his lips. And then, prudent me did something bold. Well, bold for me. I called out "Oh Edward, you can call me too, you know, if you have questions about your you know.... finance and things." He turned back with that smile still at his lips and somehow, it widened. He then walked out of my sight. Once he was out of sight, I mentally cringed. He didn't have my number. Why would he bother calling me? All my insecurities came flooding back to haunt me, bringing along with them my feeling of emptiness I had grown used to these recent weeks. With that I turned around dejectedly and walked back into James's office to face the inevitable.

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	4. Phone Calls

I walked into James's office and gestured for him to take a seat while I leant against his work table. He obliged, and then I began to explain to him what had been going on with me for the last couple of days. He sat there at first, his face void of any emotion and then slowly, I saw emotions flicker over his features, anger, hurt, pain, sympathy...... but never pity. He asked me why I didn't call him from the hospital and I explained to him how I didn't want to be a burden to him. He hugged me and said that I could never be a burden to him, and then he chastised me lovingly for it. We sat and talked for a bit about it. He thought I should talk to somebody about it. A therapist. I told him I would look into it. He asked me how I felt about men, asked me if I needed help, told me to call him no matter what, and so on. That was James, kind and caring. It was his way of telling me that he was there for me. He then asked me about Edward. I told him all about how Edward had helped and how I was grateful to him. I then told him about my infatuation with Edward. James wasn't pleased about that. He was too protective for his own good. He worried that Edward would take advantage of me in my "mental state". He then went on the threaten Edward. After he was done with his little rant he told me to go for it. His exact words were "Bella, if you find yourself taken by Edward, you must pursue him." He sounded a little bit like my grandfather. I went home feeling better about everything in general. Talking to James always helped me.

When I got home I checked my voice mail. Just a couple of messages from my friends. I didn't bother listening to them. I would check them later. I hopped into my shower and thought about Edward. How he was kind and caring and it didn't escape my notice that he was one of the very few nice men that I had come across, apart from James. I heard the phone ringing and in a haste wrapped myself in a towel and jumped out of the shower to get to it. On my way to the phone I stubbed my toe against the leg of the bed. "Ow!!" I yelped. By the time I made it to the living room, the answering machine had already beat me the answering the phone. That's when I heard his voice. It was....unsure. "Uhhh hi Bella, this is Edward, you know...the guy from....your your...uuhh I'm just going to go now. Bye." He was nervous. That made my heart melt. It also comforted me. I wasn't the only insecure shy one. It was cute and internally it made me go "Awww". By the time he had hung up I was smiling so wide my face hurt. I walked back into the room and got dressed and then walked into the living room and listened to the numerous messages my friends had sent me. Alice, who had just gotten hitched to Jasper, her long time lover was in Bali, with said long time lover and they were honeymooning. Ew. They were gross and all touchy feely. Made me feel even more like a third wheel when I was out with the happy couple. I wasn't unhappy for them. I loved both of them dearly, it's just sometimes that they made me feel like I was missing out on something and I couldn't help but resent that feeling of being lonely. The message was the usual, "we're doing fine, how're you" sort of stuff. The other message was again from Alice, something about shopping and how I should hop on a plane and do a one day shopping spree thing with her. The next one was again from Alice, this time about her thriving sex life. Ew. Again. I breathed a sigh of relief when the message after that wasn't from her, but rather her husband. Jasper. He was calm and apologetic about her spamming my voice mail. He told me to take care of myself and then he filled me in on how they were doing and how they missed me. I smiled at that. They were having a good time and they deserved it. They were good people. They were happy, healthy, safe and in love. Those were the things I dreamed of having. The next couple of messages were from Emmet and Rosalie. They were another happy couple. Emmet was a football player and Rosalie was an agent. She was good at what she did. No, scratch that. She was a shark at what she did. Getting her clients the best deals was one of her many agent-like talents. That's how Emmet and Rosalie met. Emmet needed an agent and Rosalie so happened to be in the right place at that right time. She had gotten him the best deal ever. She wasn't his agent anymore, that was a decision they had both made together. Currently, they were in Madrid somewhere, for a football match that Emmet had. Rosalie wasn't just tagging along. She would never do that. The woman had more pride than that. She was there because her clients were there. We all knew that she used that as an excuse. We just didn't say anything to aggravate her. Everyone was happy. They had called just to check in and make sure I was okay.

Once I was done returning their calls and messages I sat down on the couch to ponder if I should call Edward or not. He had called and it puzzled me how he had gotten a hold of my number. After about fifteen minutes of pondering I decided to call him. I went to the fridge, my new venue for his number and punched the numbers into the phone. After about three rings his answer machine picked up and I left a lame message. That night I went to sleep with a smile and a sliver of hope that maybe, just maybe, Edward Cullen had a slight crush on me. I knew, without a doubt that I had it bad for Mr. Cullen.


End file.
